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As many of you know, I belong to the Mormon religion. The growth experienced in our church is because of the missionaries, which are young men who are sent out at age 19. They serve in the U.S. or in a foreign country for two years.
LDS missionaries. Maybe you've seen them around? :)
The famous name tag that every missionary wears.
On another note, every year we congregate as a church semiannually for "General Conference". Here our church leaders give talks to lead us as a church and they also give important church news updates, policy changes, etc. Needless to say, it's a BIG DEAL.
This is a picture of the inside of the Conference Center.
I love going to Salt Lake and hearing the beautiful talks, music, and feeling the Spirit. Anyway, so this past weekend was conference, and there was a huuuuuuge policy change. Young men can serve missions at age 18 now instead of 19, and young women can serve at 19 instead of 21.
What?!!!!
When the prophet announced this, all the air was sucked out of the room. Everyone was FA-REAKING out. I almost died in my chair. I was having a HUGE identity crisis… Let me tell you why.
I was raised in the church, however it was not taught in my home. Up until I was about 19, I didn't know very much of the history of my religion (i.e. Joseph Smith, the Bible, etc.) So, I wanted to go on a mission to further enhance my knowledge of the church and show Heavenly Father that I love Him, and I want to share His gospel with everyone. I have a strong testimony. I had to find my testimony at a very early age, and through trials in my life (and in my home life) I have been able to grow very close to my Father in Heaven.
I really, REALLY wanted to serve a mission. However I met the man of my dreams, fell in love, and got married instead. Do I regret getting married instead of going on a mission? Of course not. That thought has never crossed my mind. Although when the prophet announced that the missionary age is changing to 19, some thoughts crossed through my mind….
Am I good enough? Does the Lord not love me as much as those who have served on missions? Is my testimony strong enough? Am I competent in my knowledge of the teachings of the church? Am I not enough because I haven't helped as much in building the church?
But mostly I was freaking out because...
AM I ENOUGH? DOES HEAVENLY FATHER STILL LOVE ME?
I think there is a silent stigma among members that came out that day: women who get married and don't serve a mission aren't as good as those who served missions.
Or at least, that's how I felt. No, I didn't serve a mission. No, I didn't have that amazing experience and bring many people to the gospel and knowledge of Jesus Christ. However, I still have a TESTIMONY.
In my institute religion class on Monday, someone made the comment along the lines of… "As mothers, our generation is going to raise children in a very turbulent time. I think that we are going to need that testimony that you can only get from a mission".
Um. What? Excuse me?
Well, after bawling my eyes out the ENTIRE weekend, I may have cried for a little longer after that comment. Even though I disagree with that statement, it still shook me. I know that God loves me as much as the next guy, and that He loves me as much as those who have served missions.
So…. after much praying and soul-searching I know that I am loved and I am enough.
Although… for those of you who are LDS, please be considerate and don't look down upon those who haven't served missions. We have just as strong of a testimony. God loves us just as much. We are important, competent, and worthwhile. So please watch what you say because you never know who's toes you might be stepping on.
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Let me know what you think! Please leave comments, questions, or feel free to email me at linds.farrer@gmail.com :)
I feel way bad that YOU feel so bad about this. The fact that they did change the age is big news. But I do want you to know that YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. Just cause you didn't serve a mission doesn't mean your testimony is less important than those who have. That girl who made that comment is completely ridiculous. Would going on a mission strengthen your testimony? I'm definately absolutely sure that it would! But so does getting married, going through the temple, living the commandments and principles that you learned about in the temple, going through life and trying to your best to become as close to the Lord as you can. Think of it this way, the Lord loves everyone, even those who persecuted and put him up on a cross. I'm pretty sure he's gonna love you even though you didn't go on a mission. Also, Missions are not for everyone, but that doesn't mean that you are not strong in the gospel. I also know a few missionaries who served faithful wonderful missions and who now have left the church. So there you have it. It's all about what we do in life and that we keep on the straight and narrow. I seriously kinda wanna punch that girl who said that comment. I LOVE YOU linds
ReplyDeleteThanks Kayla! You're the best! You're so sweet. It took me all weekend and then some to figure out everything you just said ha. I know that God loves all of us, regardless if we served missions or not. I think it was also magnified because Danica is now going on a mission… and everyone was super excited about that, which kinda made me feel like crap. Oh well! Everything is fine now :) I love what you said about trying to come as close to the Lord as you can. Because isn't that pretty much why we're here? To know of Him and come back to Him! Seriously you're the best, thanks for everything! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for writing this post, I know it must have been hard for you to share such personal stuff. I can kind of relate in a way. Because I had made some bad choices I didn't leave on my mission until I was 20. I entered the MTC a month after my younger brother died unexpectedly at 17. I tried to remain strong and just do my best. I loved the MTC and I started to feel ready for the field. Once out in the field the spiritual high that was keeping me from feeling the painful loss of my brother left me. I tried to remain positive and just work, but ultimately it got too emotionally taxing and I came home on medical release after being out for five months. It took a really long time for the guilt to go away, it still hasn't left me completely, and it might never leave completely, but I realized that my mission is between me and God. Whether or not I was good enough, or whatever is just between me and God. Thank you again for your post.
ReplyDeleteYou are awesome Lindsay :)
ReplyDeleteOh dear girl, I loved this post! You opened up and shared and I am sure that was wasn't easy. Linds. That girl said, “As mothers, our generation is going to raise children in a very turbulent time. I think that we are going to need that testimony that you can only get from a mission." It is undeniable that on a mission your testimony grows. The skills that you learn on a mission help you. But there is so much more to it than just going on a mission. Sometime, I feel that people think there are secret skills accrued, only after serving a mission. The skills that are gained are wonderful but can be gained anyone who takes the time to grow closer to the Lord, study, share and serve. Heavenly Father loves all of his children. To me I see you, as a wonderful daughter of God who had enough faith to act when prompted. You made the most important choice when you got married. Do not let peoples lack of understanding hurt you. You are SO important, competent, and worthwhile.
ReplyDeleteReblogged this on daydreamcatcher and commented:
ReplyDeleteI love this blog.
I felt this same way! Not when they announced the new age rules, but when I was about to start dating Shane seriously, I felt like I had to go on a mission or people would just think "Oh... typical mormon girl, getting married at 19." Anyways, you are amazing :) and you and RJ can go on a mission when you are older.
ReplyDeleteThank you!! And thanks for reblogging!!!!! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks DD :)
ReplyDeleteThank you! It took me awhile to open up and put it all out on the line. I felt so threatened when that was said! Although, you are right! I'm sure there are valuable priceless skills learned on a mission. And I appreciate your support and kind words :) THANK YOU!!
ReplyDeleteTyson, thank you for sharing with me. I know there is a negative stigma about missionaries who return home sooner than expected, and I'm sorry for your loss. Neither one of my brothers have gone/are going on missions, and I know that they most definitely take the heat for it. I undoubtedly feel the frustration due to others judgements. And you are 100% correct when you say it's between you and God, I admire your willingness to share and relate to my post. Again, thank you for sharing :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Min! And I know right?! I felt the exact same way. But now I just figure… Who cares what they think because the Bretheren say that getting married is the number 1 priority. So everyone else can shove it haha. And YES I want to go on a mission when we are older!! Thanks for your comment! You are so sweet :)
ReplyDeleteOk so I am in your class that is doing these blogs and this post was really good. Not happy good haha but deep good. I too am a member and I served a mission. BUT I had to come home sick with a lung infection and parasites I have spend a lot of time questioning a lot of the same questions you did especially on that day of the announcement BUT I am glad that you came to your conclusion. My opinion is is that everyone has their moments of doubts and their own trials to over come and that it is a good thing we are all so different and that our lessons in life are different. I also think that its a great thing that these young girls are able to go at this age but I also believe that each of our lives play out to be exactly as they are supposed to be. don't feel guilty be glad you made your decision of marrying the "guy of your dreams." that is what your plan entailed and you are continuing to serve your own "mission" that is perfect for you! You don't need a name tag and you don't need a calling. Just my opinion :) thanks for sharing I can tell you have a very strong testimony.
ReplyDeleteHey McKenzie! Thanks for commenting! I loved it. I totally agree that everyone has their own trials and lives play out like they are supposed to. It took me awhile to come to that conclusion! I've really come to terms with the timing of the announcement, that if I was supposed to serve it would have happened sooner :) I'm sorry that you had to come home early, I'm sure that was extremely difficult :/ Although Heavenly Father is watching over us so I'm sure that was his plan! Sometimes it's difficult to accept what He has in plan for us, but as I'm sure you know, it's a great feeling when we finally do accept it!
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