Stumbling Through Parenthood: A Story About Poop

Poop.

Pre-parenthood I never would have thought such a tiny human being could produce so much of it.

Here is a funny story that happened last week in church... I hope you get a kick out of it.

Church starts at 11am.

10:52am: I'm in the bathroom at home finishing up getting ready, vigorously applying under eye concealer to my purple bags because Cosette was up 3 times that night so I slept in until 10am. I'm yelling at RJ to put the baby in her car seat because we are going to be late (as usual).

10:53am: RJ straps her in the car seat.

10:53:30: I hear RJ say, "Oh did that feel good? Did that poop feel good?". Me: "CHANGE HER DIAPER!!!!!!!"  RJ yells back, "NO we don't have time!"

10:55am: We walk out the door and arrive to church right at 10:59am. On time. Phew. First time in 4 years. On the outside I'm cool as a cucumber but on the inside I'm doing a victory dance and singing, "Score! #WINNING #rockingthisparentingthing!"

10:59:50am: Cosette starts to cry so I pull her out of her car seat and set her on my lap. I notice she has blown out not only through her diaper, but it has soaked through her onesie, tights, skirt (which she was wearing for the first time), AND onto my skirt. Awesome. Bite my tongue to not profane while in the presence of God and of non-parental persons who have not yet been sharted upon by green swamp poop.

11:00-11:15am: Change baby's diaper. Try to do damage control and not spread the mess. #rockingthisparentingthing right? Scrub scrub scrub all aforementioned clothing items in the hallway bathroom. Spread the mess. Poop stain is now 234,098,234 times bigger than original concentrated stain. Tell the person knocking on the door there's a bomb scene in here and there will be casualties so it may be awhile and not to ask questions. Wonder how this never came up in conversation before I had children. Send a prayer to heaven for my now rubbed raw knuckles. Wondering that of all modern conveniences how there's not a speed washer/dryer set in the mother's room. 

11:15am: Say "screw it" and throw half of clothing items away into the trash. Walk back into sacrament meeting with half-naked baby and soaking wet skirt in hand. Whatever.

Wait until a week later to bring it up with RJ.

Next time I won't even bother getting baby dressed for church. 

Tuesday Thoughts...

Things RJ says to me:

"Hey chunky!"

"Yeah I thought your legs looked bigger tonight."

Me: I feel like a beached whale.

RJ: No, you're more like a hungry hungry hippo.


As much as he can drive me nuts, for some illogical reason these comments always make me laugh. Probably because he says it with a huge grin on his face that says "I think I'm funny but please don't kill me".

I can't imagine anyone I'd rather be with in this pregnancy/parenthood/whoknowswhat'snext phase of life.


*Photo via KC photography.*

Pregnancy

When one gets pregnant one wonders WHY NO ONE TOLD THEM WHAT PREGNANCY REALLY IS LIKE.



See following dialogue.



Me: I'm pregnant! Ahhhh! So excited!



Friend: I'm so happy for you! Pregnancy is the best!



Me (8 months later) : LIAR. YOU'RE ALL LIARS.



As of this next week I'll be 8 months pregnant! I'm thrilled to have made it this far and that baby girl is active and healthy. And as excited as I am for this new chapter in life, I'd like to be able to bend over again thankyouverymuch. The universe seems to think "Ooh, she's pregnant, let's make her drop everything possible!"





Until next time,

xo

Update on Life

I swear I have not blogged in so long, and I apologize. Life has been nuts. I like to speak in illustrations, and during my absence this is what has been going on....

I graduated from UVU with a Bachelor's in Speech Communication.

RJ started and finished his first year of Pharmacy School at Washington State University.

We got the cutest dog ever. His name is Zeus.

He is now a giant, weighing in at 75 lbs.

I started my Master's at Eastern Washington University in Public Administration. 

I started working full time at an organization that helps developmentally disabled adults find employment. 

But most importantly, 

So, I apologize if friendships have fallen. 

I will no longer be doing any sort of extracurricular activities, including making chili or turkey or any sort of food for any work or church function for the holidays. 

On a softer note, I just want to note that I feel inadequate on a daily basis. How can I give my literal 100% to every activity I commit to? I leave the house at 7:30am and don't usually return until 9:00-10:30pm. I don't have time to study. I don't have time to nurture my relationships. And because of this, I feel completely disconnected from everyone around me. It's not uncommon to literally cry myself to sleep at least 2-3 times a week. I am the main provider for my family, and that is something I'm proud of. I'm not asking for your sympathy, I'm just asking for a little understanding when I say I can't make it or "I don't have time". 

Oils

     Have you guys heard all this hype about cleansing your face with oil? For your entire life the media has lied! By washing our faces with bubbles, it sets off a nasty never ending cycle which results in our faces looking like minefields (anyone else out there have an oily face too?!) The unfortunate bit: face wash strips off our natural oils and leaves our faces dry, which signals to our skin to produce more natural oil. Thus, our #sundayselfies take the hit by looking like a war zone. 

So I decided to test drive this oil biz to see if it's all just a bunch of well done advertising by Sephora and Cosmo, or if it's legitimate.

Well, I'm happy to report that after two weeks of using Boscia Tsubaki beauty oil, my face has COMPLETELY cleared up.

                         


I mean, imagine the mother of oily T-zones has completely cleared up. It's especially difficult in the winter. But no joke, it's cleared. This is just a preliminary report, but I'm happy to say that it's not all hype. Go get some samples from Sephora and try it out yourselves ;) I'll be trying out Josie Maran Pure Argan Oil Light soon and be back to report. Post coming soon about my routine using oil!

P.S. This is not a sponsored post, I'm just a happy camper.

Peace + Balance

I've often wondered what the secret to life is. Now I'm not an old woman who knows all the mysteries of the universe (yet!), but I believe have figured out the key to my happiness.

Balance.

At least 360 of the 365 days of the year my life feels like chaos. Especially as a student. It's always go go go, from the moment that alarm goes off at 6:45am until my brain FINALLY shuts off somewhere around 11pm at night. School, work, homework, Grey's Anatomy, repeat. I have finally reached a point where I have become content in the day to day craziness of life.

I'm currently taking 19 science credits at a university here in Washington. During my undergraduate degree, I was able to take at least 15 credits and still be able to work without it effecting my grades. However, as my husband told me  alllll along (I hate to say it, but you were right), science courses are SO much more difficult than even my senior level communication courses. I quit my job so I could regain some sanity and pass my ridiculous chemistry tests.

Balance to me means that all the priorities in my life receive enough attention. Between family, the Mr, school, God & religion, my pup, travel and relaxation. Those are the keys to balance in my life. Maybe I'm still riding a high from the holidays. It's quite possible that within two weeks I will be coming apart at the seams once again. But for now, I'm quite content.



The perfect relaxation remedy: a HOT HOT bath. I'm still on the hunt for that perfect bubble bath! If you have one you love, let me know! Hot water + bubble bath + a great book + candles = total and complete BLISS.

P.S. should we go to Thailand or New Zealand this summer? We are so INDECISIVE!




Love,
Linds

A Few of My Favorite Things

Sorry for my absence! Here are a few of my favorite things for this fall/winter...

Our puppy is growing up so fast! This isn't him... but he looked just like the when we first got him!

(cue *awwwww*)

DIY INSPIRATION! I really want to do this! When I do... I'll let you know how it goes!

Cutest bedside stand ever?! I think so. 

LOVE.

Love this puffer vest! It's from JCrew and sold out. I still can't help but covet it.... 

And last but not least, if you haven't already seen it...

#justintimberlake